I don't like feeling taken for granted. Who does? I take responsibility for why I'm in this situation, but it doesn't make me feel any less foolish. I wish I could have more simplicity in my head sometimes when it comes to the "future." I just don't have much figured out and that seemingly small statement bleeds into every other aspect of my life...specifically my dating life. I've never been one to think too far ahead especially when it comes to relationships. I don't care about marriage. I don't know if I believe in relationships lasting forever. I'm not sure my heart will ever fully be open and available anytime soon (or ever). I honestly don't think I'll be happy in a relationship until I'm happy with my own life. I've always let my heart lead the way, which perhaps could be the problem? But if I'm going to be with someone for well over a year, I expect to be treated with daily appreciation for my time and efforts. I could die tomorrow (I know, I shouldn't be so melodramatic). *ugh* This is a depressing entry. I should put the computer down and sleep this grumpy, heavy hearted feeling off. Sorry readers. My next post should hopefully return to my normal jovial self. I'm only human.
I can empathize. I am newly single again after sabotaging yet another perfectly acceptable and beautiful relationship. I often wonder if I had been happier, and consequently more secure with my life, things would be different. But perhaps not. Perhaps if we were to channel this energy in a different direction to make our 'lives' more fulfilled we would get the same results. Human beings are fallible and the heart is as complex an organ is the universe. Perhaps we should live more simply to combat the difficulties of it all. Perhaps we should lower our expectations and just be. Perhaps love is a deep vortex that spits all those who enter out the other end. Perhaps the pressures of modern society are too much for the human being to bare. Perhaps our desire to fulfill this emptiness is futile and detrimental to our lives. Perhaps one day we will wake up feeling like none of it really matters and smile from ear to ear at the freedom which simplicity brings. One thing is for sure, however; We see the world as we are, and not as it truly is. And all we truly need is a good flea market and a sliced peach to bring a smile.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this. :) I feel we are truly kindred spirits in a lot of ways because we're born under the sign of Gemini.
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